Reggaeton: Worst Genre of Music Ever?

Warning: Listening to reggaeton music may lead to cultural degradation and females removing their pants.

In America today, most of what passes as “popular” music is created by no-talent ass clowns with little musical or song-writing talent. Despite this fact, I have still tried extra hard over the years to be open-minded to certain genres of music that do not immediately appeal to me. In fact, I am often hard-pressed to find any genre of music for which I cannot identify at least one artist or particular diddy that I may find mildly acceptable, save for perhaps Slovenia-style polka. This noble attempt at open-mindedness, however, completely went out the window a few years ago when I began hearing the same simple beat blaring from the cars of my Latin-American brothers and sisters in and around Lawrence, Massachusetts.

This one simple beat (that goes a lil something like this: boom-chicka-boomchick-boom-chicka-boomchick, ad infinitum) has since expanded into an entirely new genre of Latino rap music called reggaeton. I am perhaps too conscious of sounding culturally insensitive in my critique of this “music,” but I can’t say much more about it other than the fact that it’s just plain fucking awful and disgraceful. If I was Latin-American, I would personally take great offense to the popularity of this music that is contributing to such a rich culture’s musical degradation (much like Italian Americans should be offended by their Jersey Shore counterparts).

And now some reggaeton for your viewing and listening displeasure:

There is plenty of contemporary rap music that I consider to be just as worthless as reggaeton in many ways, but somehow not nearly as infuriating. Reggaeton is so annoying because it has become an entire genre of music that essentially consists of the same song reproduced by a million different artists who put a little spin on it. I cannot imagine listening to a radio station that exclusively plays this music. What do they say when the latest reggaeton song is first aired? Perhaps it would go something like this: “And now for your listening pleasure, some asshole who threw in a few extra words on top of the same beat loop that has been featured in the previous 1,000 songs we have played: Here’s the new one from Enrique Suave.”

-Wolf